The Wiebe's invited me to their girls' school play "Tom Sawyer". I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the girls perform their parts with great diligence. Anya was a dog, fully regaled in dog costume (I had to be corrected by her, as initially I thought she was a lion). I could see the look of determination on her face, as she did her level best to not mess up, but to keep all the actions straight. Her sense of rhythm was absolutely remarkable for a girl of 5! Maia had a beautific radiance about her! They both made me so proud to be a part of their lives! I seriously felt like a doting aunt watching them perform! I had brought a couple of red roses for them, and it was so much fun to watch their reactions when I gave them to each girl - and enjoyed the exuberant hugs from each of them :)
Just days before, they had come to my vocal recital, which was so special to have their whole family there! They were both so excited to see me and watch me perform! Afterwards, Maia said to me, "Esther, we got a little wiggly at the end, so we had to go out and run around!" But they really did marvelously, considering they were sitting for 1+ hours!
Oh, and as an update on my recital, it went super well! I had an absolute blast! (is that allowed of the presenter?) But I did! It was so special to have so many people who mean so much to me all in one place to support me! I was on Cloud 9 all evening! I think at some point, I'll be able to upload some video clips (or add links) of some of the various songs.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
News!
So I've been waiting for the past 3 months to find out whether or not I'd be accepted to UBC's med program for the fall. It's been a huge process, and my journey toward that goal now almost spans a decade.
May 15 was the day I would find out if I was accepted or not - or if I was waitlisted, as I discovered last year (not to be taken off the waitlist, though...). That morning, I really wanted to spend some time with God thinking through and processing what I was feeling going into that big, momentous day. I did some journaling, which helps to clear the fuzzy cobwebs that typically tangle up my contemplations. I'll share it here, because it's an important prelude to the results of the day.
At 11:30 am, I checked my email to find an email from UBC stating that I had been accepted to UBC's Medical Program!
The last couple days have felt quite surreal to me, as the information settles. I still don't feel like it has truly happened! I keep on shaking my head, thinking - it can't be me! But it is me!
One really neat thing about this is that I really take it as a confirmation from the Lord that this is what he wants for me. I have struggled over the years, even as I worked toward this goal, of wondering and praying, God, is this really what you have in store for me? Oftentimes, I don't feel like God tangibly speaks to me or reveals specific directions to me. But with medical school and going into medicine, I have both explicitly and implicitly held to the conviction that if God wanted me to pursue medicine - if he really did give me the gifts and abilities to pursue this track, then he would get me in. And if I got into medical school, it was solely - 100%! - because it was part of God's plan for me. And so this is a tremendous confirmation for me that yes, this is the direction God has for me to take at this point in my life. That's also a promise I will hold onto when the difficult times come, and I wonder - "what was I ever thinking??!" God will supply what I need because this is his path that I am walking down (well, right now skipping down!)
May 15 was the day I would find out if I was accepted or not - or if I was waitlisted, as I discovered last year (not to be taken off the waitlist, though...). That morning, I really wanted to spend some time with God thinking through and processing what I was feeling going into that big, momentous day. I did some journaling, which helps to clear the fuzzy cobwebs that typically tangle up my contemplations. I'll share it here, because it's an important prelude to the results of the day.
Today I find out from UBC whether or not I'm accepted into the med program this year. I think the biggest struggle I've had while waiting to find out is whether or not to hope for it. Or maybe it's "How much do I hope for this?" Because there's no guarantee, and even now, God might be saying "no, now is not the time"; or "I have a different path for you". So then my hope has been in vain!
Something that Bitsy and I have been dialoguing about recently is the whole idea of "What do we hope for?" Do we hope for circumstances that we've prayed for? Because then when/if God has to say "no" repeatedly, our hope can be shattered!
I've been studying Romans recently, and a certain passage really impacted me: Romans 5:3-5 "...we...rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
So, my conclusion is that while hoping in circumstances isn't entirely - or at all - a bad thing, if that's the only place we're putting our hope, then yes, it is. Because then our hope will disappoint us and it will not be sustainable. But instead, we need to place our hope in the Creator of our circumstances - Jesus Christ. Because in him all hope is fulfilled. In him our hope will never be disappointed. He may still say "no, not yet", or "I want you to do something else", but if our hope is truly in him, then we hope in what he is going to do for us, knowing that what he does will be both for his greatest good, and our greatest good.
So I hope in Jesus, and in particular, in his character. I know and I place my hope in the knowledge that he is good and that he loves me and that he is omniscient and omnipotent. He knows what's going to happen today and he is in control of it. And he loves me so much that he will do what's best for me - regardless of what that turns out to be.
In Him I place my hope.
At 11:30 am, I checked my email to find an email from UBC stating that I had been accepted to UBC's Medical Program!
The last couple days have felt quite surreal to me, as the information settles. I still don't feel like it has truly happened! I keep on shaking my head, thinking - it can't be me! But it is me!
One really neat thing about this is that I really take it as a confirmation from the Lord that this is what he wants for me. I have struggled over the years, even as I worked toward this goal, of wondering and praying, God, is this really what you have in store for me? Oftentimes, I don't feel like God tangibly speaks to me or reveals specific directions to me. But with medical school and going into medicine, I have both explicitly and implicitly held to the conviction that if God wanted me to pursue medicine - if he really did give me the gifts and abilities to pursue this track, then he would get me in. And if I got into medical school, it was solely - 100%! - because it was part of God's plan for me. And so this is a tremendous confirmation for me that yes, this is the direction God has for me to take at this point in my life. That's also a promise I will hold onto when the difficult times come, and I wonder - "what was I ever thinking??!" God will supply what I need because this is his path that I am walking down (well, right now skipping down!)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Memory loss
Something that I truly struggle with is remembering information that I should know - whether it's people's faces, their names, stuff they tell me, etc. I forget my own stuff too, but it's something of a bigger deal when it involves other people. Today was a case in point.
One of my little luxuries in life is to get gas at a full service gas station. Today, I pull up, and the guy filling up the gas seems like a nice, friendly guy. After he rings through my Visa card, he comes back with the bill, and says, "I thought it was you, Esther!"
"Hi! Um, refresh my memory on your name...and where I know you from???"
So we figure that out - that's not so bad that I had forgotten that, because we had worked at a camp together 10 years ago, and memory loss is acceptable when it has to reach back into past decades. But then he says, "Yeah, we went for coffee a couple times, too!"
"We did???" I don't remember that in the slightest! Personally, I'm of the opinion that he must have gotten together with another redhead whose name was also Esther, because it really scares me if I forgot something like that.
Another recent memory loss event occurred a few months ago. My aunt publishes a magazine, and one of her publications focused on TCKs, Third Culture Kids. She had asked me to answer some questions for her from my own experiences as a TCK a few months prior, which I had done, albeit very briefly (I don't really feel like I'm a good TCK candidate). When she mailed out the publication, I browsed through it to see what she had used of my answers, and found an entire article written by me! I couldn't figure it out in the slightest - all I had done was send her a few short replies that weren't very relevant in the slightest! Where had this article come from??? And as I read through it, I could not quite imagine myself having written it! The writing style didn't seem to be mine, and I didn't think I would have expressed some of the concepts presented in the article. When I finally asked my aunt, she reminded me that a couple years ago, she had asked me to write an article for her on being a TCK. And yes, after that I did find it in my Sent folder - the very same article - written by Yours Truly. Can you say slightly embarrassing???
One of my little luxuries in life is to get gas at a full service gas station. Today, I pull up, and the guy filling up the gas seems like a nice, friendly guy. After he rings through my Visa card, he comes back with the bill, and says, "I thought it was you, Esther!"
"Hi! Um, refresh my memory on your name...and where I know you from???"
So we figure that out - that's not so bad that I had forgotten that, because we had worked at a camp together 10 years ago, and memory loss is acceptable when it has to reach back into past decades. But then he says, "Yeah, we went for coffee a couple times, too!"
"We did???" I don't remember that in the slightest! Personally, I'm of the opinion that he must have gotten together with another redhead whose name was also Esther, because it really scares me if I forgot something like that.
Another recent memory loss event occurred a few months ago. My aunt publishes a magazine, and one of her publications focused on TCKs, Third Culture Kids. She had asked me to answer some questions for her from my own experiences as a TCK a few months prior, which I had done, albeit very briefly (I don't really feel like I'm a good TCK candidate). When she mailed out the publication, I browsed through it to see what she had used of my answers, and found an entire article written by me! I couldn't figure it out in the slightest - all I had done was send her a few short replies that weren't very relevant in the slightest! Where had this article come from??? And as I read through it, I could not quite imagine myself having written it! The writing style didn't seem to be mine, and I didn't think I would have expressed some of the concepts presented in the article. When I finally asked my aunt, she reminded me that a couple years ago, she had asked me to write an article for her on being a TCK. And yes, after that I did find it in my Sent folder - the very same article - written by Yours Truly. Can you say slightly embarrassing???
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
treasures ... and simple pleasures
a few precious moments...
enjoying a breathtaking sunset as it slowly faded away, with abbotsford town lights winking below
sipping lemonade with 3 little kiddies - them sitting inside their yellow car tent, and esther outside on the lawn - because you won't fit! graeme joined me outside, though, for part of it :)
a little girl in children's church, who took one look at me (she had been clinging desparately to mom as her lifeline) and said, "can I play with you??" and reached straight for me!
sitting in the sun with my beloved sister, sipping a ... "frappacino, with 1 shot of white chocolate, and one shot of toffee"... (my sister's creation), enjoying some good sister bonding time
God waking me up this morning just to spend time with him! had been my request, and he honored it, and I thought to myself, if God's willing to take the time to wake me up first thing in the morning, he really wants to spend some time with me! a neat thought!
receiving hugs galore from jan at work!
enjoying a breathtaking sunset as it slowly faded away, with abbotsford town lights winking below
sipping lemonade with 3 little kiddies - them sitting inside their yellow car tent, and esther outside on the lawn - because you won't fit! graeme joined me outside, though, for part of it :)
a little girl in children's church, who took one look at me (she had been clinging desparately to mom as her lifeline) and said, "can I play with you??" and reached straight for me!
sitting in the sun with my beloved sister, sipping a ... "frappacino, with 1 shot of white chocolate, and one shot of toffee"... (my sister's creation), enjoying some good sister bonding time
God waking me up this morning just to spend time with him! had been my request, and he honored it, and I thought to myself, if God's willing to take the time to wake me up first thing in the morning, he really wants to spend some time with me! a neat thought!
receiving hugs galore from jan at work!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Our frail pursuit of God
"O God, I have tasted thy goodness,
and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the triune God, I want to want thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me thy glory, I pray thee, so that I may know thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
Say to my soul, 'Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away'.
Then, give me grace to rise and follow Thee
up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."
~A.W.Tozer, The Pursuit of God
Cold hands?
I'm known for having cold hands - I blame it on poor circulation, but who knows why. As long as my heart isn't cold, right? :)
Anyway, I was reminded of that fact this past week. Plus, included are some other memorable moments from the visit.
I hung out with the Wiebe kids (and their mom) one morning this past week. At one point, Raewyn asked 2 1/2 yr old Graeme to come to Esther to change his diaper, which was decidedly dirty. He said, "I want mommy to change my diaper, because Esther's hands are cold." We agreed that if I warmed up my hands, which Graeme helped me with at the bathroom sink, pointing out which was the warm water faucet, then he would let me change his diaper - oh, what a priviledge :)
I hadn't had a chance to bring the kids their Christmas presents yet, so I had brought them. But I didn't have batteries for Graeme's 2 speeder car, so we rummaged through the household flashlights to find a couple batteries for his car. Graeme discovered the flashlights, and especially that the one he wanted to play with now didn't have batteries. Even after he opened his gift, he continued saying "The flashlight doesn't work! It need batteries" There was no interest in the new car - the flashlight held all the appeal. Maybe next time I'll buy him a flashlight.
Over lunch, Maia (8 years 0ld) told us a joke she'd made up: Q: How many babysitters does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None - they don't make diapers that small!
Anyway, I was reminded of that fact this past week. Plus, included are some other memorable moments from the visit.
I hung out with the Wiebe kids (and their mom) one morning this past week. At one point, Raewyn asked 2 1/2 yr old Graeme to come to Esther to change his diaper, which was decidedly dirty. He said, "I want mommy to change my diaper, because Esther's hands are cold." We agreed that if I warmed up my hands, which Graeme helped me with at the bathroom sink, pointing out which was the warm water faucet, then he would let me change his diaper - oh, what a priviledge :)
I hadn't had a chance to bring the kids their Christmas presents yet, so I had brought them. But I didn't have batteries for Graeme's 2 speeder car, so we rummaged through the household flashlights to find a couple batteries for his car. Graeme discovered the flashlights, and especially that the one he wanted to play with now didn't have batteries. Even after he opened his gift, he continued saying "The flashlight doesn't work! It need batteries" There was no interest in the new car - the flashlight held all the appeal. Maybe next time I'll buy him a flashlight.
Over lunch, Maia (8 years 0ld) told us a joke she'd made up: Q: How many babysitters does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None - they don't make diapers that small!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Ruminations...not ruminating (ie. the cow thing)
I've been thinking about my languishing blog of late - and then I received a "Are you there, Esther???..." comment. So I'm motivated to take it up again! That's about how it works with me. I'm easily distracted, and my "resolutions" only last for so long...
But...in all honesty, I find myself struggling right now. I don't even have that much on my plate, but what is there, I find can easily bring me repeated "anxiety pangs", so to speak - you know that feeling when you all of a sudden feel your stomach sink - again - and you realize that you absentmindedly started worrying again? Needing to get to a place of total trust and rest in God and in his provision. I was thinking about that this morning. Listening to the song with the refrain "I will praise you in the storm". And I realized - do I praise God in the storm? I turn to him, and ask for his help, but do I actually think - God, you're going to work wonders out of this - and I want to praise you despite/because of(?) all this? And then my mind wanders to those people whom God has chosen to allow some incredibly hard struggles - if I can barely (if at all) keep myself together/trust in God during these much smaller issues, how does she do it? how do they do it? and the biggest question of all, how would I do?
And yet in the midst of all our failures, doubts, struggles, God is amazingly tenderhearted with us! Patient, loving, gentle, gracious, merciful.
And to part on a light note, today has actually had some pretty fantastic moments. I went out this morning to Timmy's with M., a lady who lives at the group home where I work, and I felt like we just had a marvelous time together! Mellow, comfortable... We were blessed by an older gentleman at Timmy's who, seeing that all the tables were full and we didn't have a spot to sit, gave us his table, while he stood for the rest of the time! And I just felt content, which is a state of mind I covet of late :) And this afternoon I had the priviledge(sp?) to color with J. (also at the group home) - a magic coloring book with glitter pens to boot! My idea of fun... :) And just to see her keeping occupied, enjoying the activity - it's a good feeling.
So there's my contemplations for the day :)
But...in all honesty, I find myself struggling right now. I don't even have that much on my plate, but what is there, I find can easily bring me repeated "anxiety pangs", so to speak - you know that feeling when you all of a sudden feel your stomach sink - again - and you realize that you absentmindedly started worrying again? Needing to get to a place of total trust and rest in God and in his provision. I was thinking about that this morning. Listening to the song with the refrain "I will praise you in the storm". And I realized - do I praise God in the storm? I turn to him, and ask for his help, but do I actually think - God, you're going to work wonders out of this - and I want to praise you despite/because of(?) all this? And then my mind wanders to those people whom God has chosen to allow some incredibly hard struggles - if I can barely (if at all) keep myself together/trust in God during these much smaller issues, how does she do it? how do they do it? and the biggest question of all, how would I do?
And yet in the midst of all our failures, doubts, struggles, God is amazingly tenderhearted with us! Patient, loving, gentle, gracious, merciful.
And to part on a light note, today has actually had some pretty fantastic moments. I went out this morning to Timmy's with M., a lady who lives at the group home where I work, and I felt like we just had a marvelous time together! Mellow, comfortable... We were blessed by an older gentleman at Timmy's who, seeing that all the tables were full and we didn't have a spot to sit, gave us his table, while he stood for the rest of the time! And I just felt content, which is a state of mind I covet of late :) And this afternoon I had the priviledge(sp?) to color with J. (also at the group home) - a magic coloring book with glitter pens to boot! My idea of fun... :) And just to see her keeping occupied, enjoying the activity - it's a good feeling.
So there's my contemplations for the day :)
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