On Tuesday, July 8, I wrote my second MCAT after having studied intensively for 2 and a bit months. The funniest thing - or not so funny - was the night before. I went for a walk with my sister to alleiviate some stress and get some oxygen and fresh air. Bitsy only does walks with destinations, so we went to a coffee shop, where I accidentally bought myself a caffeinated iced coffee that I didn't finish until 9:00 pm! At about 10:30, as I was heading for bed, all of a sudden I realized what I had done (as I was wondering why I didn't feel sleepy in the slightest yet). So that night I passed an extremely fitful night, waking up the next morning with my arms (don't ask my why it was my arms; maybe it was psychological) feeling like they had run a marathon, and with my nerves all on edge. And I couldn't eat a thing until shortly before my exam, when I finally forced myself to eat part of my piece of toast with pb and chocolate sprinkles (normally...yumm!) But, traffic was mostly great, and I got to the testing location with an hour to spare. Fortunately I had checked the location out the previous week (after initially thinking I wouldn't) and I am soooo glad that I did because the testing location was placed on the third floor of a huge mall (in Metrotown) with no signs whatsoever indicating where the MCAT test site was. So I knew where I was going, fortunately. :)
I always enjoy interacting with the people I meet in situations like this. We all are more open and willing to chat. Last time I even made a friend out of it! (well, didn't last...) But I still felt super stressed on the first section of the exam - brutal! After that though, I felt like the rest of it went slightly better - no guarantees that it was any more successful, but I felt somewhat better about it all.
Oh! And I did something else the day before my exam that seriously heightened my stress levels! You have to have identification that exactly matches the information you provide them with when you register, and initially I thought that your home address had to be part of that identical information. So, as is my want, yesterday afternoon I decided to check my information one last time - not that it would do much good that late - and make sure it was accurate - and I realized that it wasn't! I had an old address on my registration! I seriously thought that my eligibility for the next day's exam was shot and I would not be able to write. I even went so far as to try and call the MCAT people and see if there was ANYTHING that they could do for me! And I thought - is this God's way of keeping me from writing the exam right now because I'd do terribly?? And then I realized that I was wrong - I thought, at least - and that I did have the information I needed. But just to make sure I brought all these extra documents to prove that I had lived at this location previously! Fortunately I didn't need them :)
So that's my experience of yesterday and the day before. At this point, it's all in God's hands. Part of me is tempted to try and regurgitate every part of the day and beat myself up for doing poorly - especially after having worked so hard on this for so long. But I refuse to let myself do that. Because as much as this is about my capabilities and just being able to do well on an exam, it's also about God, his grace, his path for me (which may possibly not look like what I envision), and his being glorified through this. And it certainly helps to keep me humble when I don't see my skill involved, but instead God's grace :) So if I allow myself to be defeatist about this, I'm also saying something about God and his extreme capableness in all of this.
Lastly, the morning of my exam, I somehow happened upon 2 Samuel 22 - I especially found great encouragement in these sections of the chapter:
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer,
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation.
His is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior (v 2-3)
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me (v 20)
I especially loved the last part, and would remind myself of that when I felt like I had done terrible - God rescued me because he delighted in me! What a thought that God delights in me!
Hopefully that encourages you too - God delights in you!!
The day ended with a dinner out with my sister and cousins (yay!) A good way to celebrate. Thanks Bitsy!
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