Smarts

Ahhhhh! I just discovered something. I outsmarted myself again. I haven't gotten many (any?) comments on my blog in the last - oh, year or so? - and I wondered why - well, I know that I don't blog often, and people don't read blogs that don't get posted on! so it's my fault - well, actually I do have a few faithfuls who still follow my once every 4 months postings! :) kudos to you! ;)

but, it was rather odd...until I just stumbled upon my "comment moderating" link. I didn't know I had one - I didn't know I had set one up! and I had 6 (yes, still not much, but again, I don't blog much!) new comments that required my approval before they could get posted to my blog! they spanned from 7 months ago till the last time I blogged!

and they were lovely comments, and I'm sure the commenters felt sad when I never said boo back! so if it was you, my sincerest apologies! I will try to remember this from now on.

I realized what happened. maybe a year ago I got a strange spam comment on my blog, and so I decided I needed to moderate the comments. and as is my want, I promptly forgot that I had done that, and so never paid attention or noticed all the comments that needed moderating :) now I expect them to flood in... ;) jk

but seriously, it raises a concern - it never ceases to amaze me how terrible my memory is! and what profession am I in????

actually, I was talking about that with a friend recently. most people hate studying for exams, especially when that studying goes on and on for weeks! :(

except for when I get to exhausted and burned out, I don't actually mind studying. and I never knew what it was that I enjoyed so much and why it was so different for me than my friends. I just thought - well, good for me, I really do enjoy what I'm learning - other people, well, they just really don't enjoy what they're learning! ie. I'm the superior student even though I tend to do more poorly than most of my colleagues :)

but the truth of the matter is (at least, how I see it, and that may not be right) is that their studying looks like this - "I have already learned this information, I remember having studied it, and now I just need to memorize it and commit it to memory." I wouldn't enjoy it either, if I was studying like that. unfortunately, I never get an opportunity to study like that. I'm a slow studier, and so I usually only have time to make it through the material once. and because it's been a while since I learned the information in the first place, I've forgotten much of it, and so when I'm studying, it's like I'm learning some of this stuff for the very first time! and that's exciting! what could be better, than to keep on being exposed to novel concepts and ideas! so now, none of you will ever choose to have me be your doctor :) don't worry, UBC has a good success rate of producing pretty good doctors, I think, so I still have hope for myself! And I have God on my side, and he's the one who's guiding this process, so my strong hope and belief is that he will enable me to care for my future patients well and skillfully - to His glory - while keeping me as humble as needed - which can be a lot at times! (needing to be humbled :) )

on another tangent, it reminds me of my great aunt, who is an absolute dear, and I love her tons, although I don't get to see her often at all. But she has some memory loss, and I brought her some pictures of our family a few days ago, and it reminded me of myself and my learning habits! because she looked through the pictures probably 10 times, each time as if it was her first time looking at them! and each time, the same comments and questions would come up - can't believe that grey beard! (dad, that was directed at you :) ). or - who is that little girl again? (julia) until one time, when we weren't sure she'd ever remember her newest great-great-niece, she came to a picture of Julia, and said confidently, "that's Julia, isn't it!" so proud of her :)

well, I'm thoroughly enjoying my holiday relaxing time. now that I'm over a week into it, I'm able to sleep in (till 10:30, no less!) and I'm not letting myself feel guilty about it, either. often I don't like holidays because I lose all sense of discipline, schedule, motivation to do things I know I should. but I'm trying not to feel too guilty about it, just enjoy what it is right now, do what I can... I was at my parents' place for a few days, and I always feel and become much more lazy when I'm at their place - my relax home, I suppose. now that I'm back in vancouver, I'm feeling inspired to get organized, see people before classes start next week, and clean! and I'm still enjoying relax time, too :)

alrighty, tootles for now! hopefully I will actually remember to monitor my comments! :)

much love to you all who read this, and may you grow in your love for the Lord in this new year that we embark on, and may you grow in God's wisdom! my pastor preached on the wisdom of God, and it was such a good reminder to me as I am in a field where I desperately need God's wisdom, much more than I need knowledge. if you have any thoughts, insights on that, I would love to hear them! feel free and share them here in a comment or email me!

and I'm not making any resolutions about improving my blogging in this next year - I might, but I just might break that resolution :)