Seasons...

Life, it has so many different seasons, paths, bits of the journey. It all looks so different at different times.

Most recently, I feel I've struggled with "just living", apathy, more than usual.  Especially in the world that we live in at present, and all the tragedy, it seems that much more awful to live with apathy.  I knew I was struggling with excessiveness in certain areas (watching TV shows), so I resolved to take a hiatus from that until at least Christmas.  I've been doing well in that, but it's funny, how that then becomes replaced with something else, equally not passion/compassion growing.  And I find myself still in the same rut.

I feel like if Satan can keep us from truly living, he's done his work.  I prayed tonight "Forgive me for what I have done that I ought not to have, and for what I have not done, that I ought to have."  So often, I find I fail on the second half - not doing what I ought.

I felt that today, I got another kick in the pants, as I sat in a church chair, feeling my failings rather acutely.  Church should not be a place to come to sort out my life.  It can, however, be a beautiful place to join with others, share the journey God is taking us on, encourage and inspire each other, see the work God is doing, and continue to be spurred on to greater depths with him, greater passion and compassion.  I felt a glimmer of hope today, meeting with someone who is on that journey of going deeper, who invited me along with her and a few others.  Hope that God's placed her and others in my life to spur me on, to greater depths, greater love, greater truth, greater passion and compassion.

I spent parts of the afternoon starting down that journey again, reading, listening, praying, repenting.

Oh God, where would I be without you?  I wonder, sometimes, who I would be, what I would be, without God's staying presence in my life.

I am so grateful for Him, for Jesus, his great love, a love that won't let go of me - of any of us!